Polyamory and the "Jealousy Myth": Using Gottman Tools in ENM

I think we need to talk about the 'J' word.

In the ENM and polyamory community, there’s often this unspoken pressure to be 'beyond' jealousy—as if being enlightened enough to choose non-monogamy means you’ve evolved past basic human emotions.

Here’s the truth: Jealousy isn’t a sign that your relationship structure is failing. It’s usually just a smoke detector letting you know that a core need for security isn't being met.

In my practice, I combine the Gottman Method—which is the gold standard for relationship stability—with a deep understanding of alternative structures. We don’t treat jealousy as a problem to be 'fixed'; we treat it as data.

Whether you’re navigating 'New Relationship Energy' (NRE), renegotiating boundaries, or dealing with the 'messy middle' of opening up, you don’t need a therapist who needs a crash course on your lifestyle. You need tools to build 'Poly-Security'—a foundation of trust that is stronger than the fear of being replaced.

You’ve done the work to build a life that matches your values. Now, let's give you the emotional toolkit to actually enjoy it.